Harlot at the Homestead Page 10

  And she was needed now, anyway, by her own relatives. Though something deep in her heart called out to her, reminding her that Edie and William had hurt her, let her walk into a life of shame and pain, she still felt the pull of familial obligation that she’d been brought up to believe in. Letting go of it was unthinkable. If she didn’t have that, and she didn’t have Kenan, what did she have? At least duty gave her something solid to cling to.

  So she returned with a heavy heart and mind to the homestead of William and Edie Montgomery, not knowing what to expect when she got there, or if she was really even wanted.

  Kenan stood in the yard watching the dust roused by Catherine’s flight as it began to settle. He couldn’t believe that she’d just taken his horse and ridden away. What on earth was wrong with her? Just hours ago she’d shown him her adoration through a very intimate act and now she had galloped away like the devil himself was on her tail without so much as a goodbye, let alone an explanation.

  Had he done something to upset her? Had he said something in his sleep or even last night? She had been very quiet on their return from the wedding party but he’d suspected that she was tired and content to rest in his arms as they shared his saddle.

  Following his encounter with Catherine’s uncle, Kenan had felt the knot between his shoulder blades loosen and he could even believe that maybe it was okay to hope that there was the possibility of a normal life on the horizon. Perhaps he could move on, settle down and reclaim the dreams he’d once believed destroyed.

  But now this. Had she changed her mind following the wedding? Did she believe that they could never have the happiness displayed last night by the bride and groom? Did she feel too damaged by events to look into the future? How he wished that he knew.

  There was only one way to find out. He’d have to go after her.

  * * * *

  Kenan’s heart beat in time with the hooves of Matthew’s horse as it cantered across the plains. He knew he was taking a risk crossing Indian territory alone but he didn’t care. He had to get to Catherine and quickly. He’d thrown his clothes on and briefly explained where he was going to his siblings then he’d saddled the horse and set off. He had a good idea about where Catherine was headed and he intended to try there first.

  He made it across the windswept open space without any encounters then headed straight for the Montgomery homestead.

  As he approached, the rickety wooden house looked deserted on its small plot of land. The immediate garden surrounding the house was overgrown and weeds tangled with the vegetables, choking the life from them in the same way that William Montgomery’s illness was choking the sense from his mind. Kenan realized that Edie had a fulltime job caring for her husband and that chores such as cultivating produce to eat and sell had clearly had to take a back seat in the wagon. Unexpected pity washed over him as he wondered how they were managing to survive. Edie had never been that practical, being inclined to enjoy pampering more suited to a lady of breeding, and William had catered to her for the majority of their married life. No wonder she was taking it so hard now that her provider had failed in his primary role.

  The wind howled around the house as if irritated by its presence on the otherwise flat open landscape and the morning sun cast the western side in shadows. The curtains at the front remained closed and Kenan wondered if he’d made a mistake. Perhaps Catherine hadn’t come here. Maybe her heart was too raw at her uncle’s betrayal and she couldn’t face seeing him again. But that didn’t sound like the Catherine he knew. She had far too good and honest a heart to turn her back on what she would see as her obligations.

  He jumped from the saddle and tethered his horse to the fence at the front of the property. The mare snorted and a whinny from the adjacent barn told him that his horse was here too. He’d know that sound anywhere. He climbed the steps to the front porch then stood before the battered wooden planks of the door.

  Memories assaulted him like an opponent raining blows upon him in a fistfight. Each one took his breath away and caused his heart to throb with pain. He closed his eyes in a futile attempt to shut them out but they played on, one after another—Catherine, adorned in green satin, stood just there by the fence in the rain, crimson hair falling over her shoulders, face red with cold and embarrassment, her traveling bag in a puddle at her feet. Catherine, dancing and laughing across the grass in front of the house, her feet and head bare, her skirts gathered up as she demonstrated an Irish jig. Catherine…

  He put a hand out to steady himself and dug his fingertips into the rough wood in front of him. Catherine had reappeared in his life like a dream, lifting his heart and raising his hopes. Without her, he had nothing. Without her, he was nothing.

  He raised his hand then knocked.

  The sound echoed through the empty house and he held his breath, listening for footsteps.

  He waited.

  After what seemed like hours, he was rewarded by the soft patter of female feet and the door swung wide open to reveal Edie Montgomery. She peered at him, her hair sticking out from beneath a greying mop cap, her face ashen with exhaustion and concern.

  “Mr Duggan,” she croaked. “I didn’t think we’d be seeing you again so soon.”

  Kenan removed his hat.

  “How’s Mr Montgomery?”

  “How’d you think?” she huffed. “You saw the state on him last night, didn’t ya? He ain’t no good to man nor beast.”

  “Yes, ma’am, and it’s mighty cruel when nature robs a man of his senses,” he replied, biting back the question he was burning to ask.

  “Anyways”—Edie Montgomery eyed his hastily clad frame—“I doubt you’re here to ask after my husband.”

  Kenan didn’t deny it. He stood and looked her straight in the eye.

  “Catherine!” The old woman called over her shoulder.

  A noise from within made Kenan lean to the side to look over Edie’s shoulder. Catherine appeared from the dark depths of the house and Edie moved aside to allow her to pass. She walked out onto the porch, wiping damp hands on a stained apron tied at her waist.

  He crushed his hat between his hands.

  “It’s okay,” Catherine spoke softly to her aunt then pointed back into the house. “He’s sleeping now.”

  Edie nodded then scowled at Kenan. “She’s returned to help and I won’t appreciate you taking her away again.” She raised a hand to her brow where she wiped it dramatically to make a show of exhaustion. “We need her here. I can’t…I can’t manage alone.”

  Catherine squeezed her aunt’s shoulder. The woman gave Kenan one more sweeping glance before turning and going inside then slamming the door behind her.

  Catherine sat on the stoop and patted the space next to her.

  “You knew I’d come here?”

  “Of course.” He sat next to her so that his thigh brushed hers.

  “I’m so sorry, Kenan, for everything that’s happened. I wish that it could have been different.”

  “Whoa!” He held up his hands. “Why are you apologizing? What’s going on here, Catherine? I believed that we were trying to rebuild something between us. What happened?”

  Catherine smoothed the apron out over her knees as if trying to iron out the creases. Kenan reached out and placed a hand over one of hers.

  “Kenan.” She snatched her hand away. “Please…please don’t. Whenever you’re near and whenever you touch me, I lose my will to do what’s right. I just love you so much that it takes my breath away!” She raised tear-filled eyes to meet his. “But this just can’t be now. Don’t you see that?”

  He frowned, then shook his head. “No…no I don’t. I have to admit that I was shocked when I first saw you and it took me a while to adjust to what’d happened. I mean, I was mad that you left willingly but, hell, Catherine…it don’t make no difference to me now. All I know is that I want you—body, mind and soul—and I can’t see how I’m gonna make it through the rest of my life without you.”

  Catherine wiped h
er eyes with the edge of the apron then pushed her hair behind her ears.

  “I know that it feels real bad right now but we have to be realistic here. We’re not innocent young lovers anymore. Too much has happened. You might grow to resent me because of what I did and I couldn’t bear that. I’d rather remember how good it was between us and how wonderful it’s been these past few days. I’ll not drag you and yours down with me into the mire. I’m ruined, Kenan. Like you said…I’m no better than a harlot.”

  Kenan threw his hat to the floor at his feet, causing dust to fly up into the air from the well-worn ground in front of the step.

  “No, Catherine! No! I was mad when I said that. I didn’t know what you’d been through. I didn’t know how bad things were for you or I’d never have said that, I swear it!”

  She shook her head. “You believe that now but…”

  He reached out for her hand again.

  “But what?”

  “In time…you might find that it grows and chokes you, poisons your feelings for me like a tainted Indian arrow.”

  “No!” he exclaimed, bile burning his throat like raw moonshine.

  He looked at her carefully, realization dawning on him.

  “Someone said something. Last night?”

  Catherine turned away, staring out at the golden grass as it waved and swished in the breeze. The rising sun gave it a warm glow so that it looked like the land was coated in thick liquid gold.

  “What was said, sweetheart?” He raised her hand and kissed it. Her skin was hot, as if she burned with the knowledge that she held inside.

  “It doesn’t matter,” she whispered. “It makes no difference.”

  “Catherine…” His emotions rose in his throat, threatening to choke him. “Of course it does. Now tell me.”

  “When…” She ran the fingers of her free hand through her hair, pushing its heavy waves back from her face. As the breeze blew the tendrils back into her eyes, she smiled absently. “When you left last night, to look for my uncle…I went inside with Rosie. We sat quietly for a while and she told me about her…” She glanced at him and he realized that she was unsure how much he knew about Rosie’s budding relationship with Joshua Hampton.

  “It’s okay, Catherine.” He smiled. “Joshua has already spoken to me about his feelings for Rosie.”

  “Well, as she spoke, I realized how pure and untainted their love is. Rosie has a flawless past and Joshua, well, he’s a man.”

  “He’s a bit younger than Rosie.”

  “Yes, I know that but it just doesn’t matter, does it? They’re in love and they want to be together.”

  “And so do we.” He squeezed her hand.

  “But Rosie and Joshua are lucky. They don’t have anything standing in their way.” She stared into his eyes and he watched as hers misted over, their clear green turning to hazy malachite.

  “What’s standing in our way, Catherine?”

  “Everything that’s happened. It wouldn’t just affect us, Kenan. It would affect everyone—Rosie, Matthew, Emmett. If you took me to wife…which I don’t know if you were planning to do…after…after all that’s happened…but if you did, or even if you just let me stay on with you, then folks would talk. It would ruin the Duggan name and reputation.”

  Kenan frowned. She was right, of course she was, but he had only considered how it would affect him and Catherine. He hadn’t really thought past their relationship. But his family were decent people and they only wanted the best for him. And that meant Catherine. Didn’t it?

  “It wouldn’t matter to any of them, Catherine. They care about you too and they wouldn’t give a damn about what folks said. We Duggans…we’re a tough lot!”

  Catherine’s face blanched. “Yes, I know that Kenan but Rosie is in love. For real! She wouldn’t be happy if she lost Joshua because of me and my tarnished name as an Indian whore!”

  “Catherine!” He shook his head.

  “I’m right, Kenan and you know I am. Just last night I heard Mr Hampton talking to one of the wedding guests.” Her cheeks filled suddenly with color, like a flower unfolding before the sun.

  “And what did he say?”

  “The woman, I think she was a cousin of his, she said…she asked…if I was the woman who’d returned from her Indian abduction.”

  “We can put that right, Catherine. We can explain.” He held his hands out to her, palms facing the sky.

  “Explain what, Kenan? What is worse? The idea that I was an Indian whore, or that, in fact, I went to live in New York with a man I hadn’t married and all because my uncle got himself into debt and sold me like a soiled dove?”

  Kenan felt the muscle begin to twitch again in his jaw. His heart picked up speed and the red mist swirled around his ankles. The man in New York. That scoundrel Thomas Henderson! He’d gotten away with his mistreatment of Catherine and had probably moved on to some other poor young woman. Men like that just went around ruining folks’ lives and taking what they wanted from whomever they chose. Well, it would have to stop.

  “Catherine.” Kenan took her hands in both of his. “It makes no difference to me and I don’t give a damn what folks say. We’ll not stoop to try to explain events to others. Damn them all to hell!”

  “It won’t work, Kenan. Mr Hampton told his guest that yes, I was the Indian whore but that I’d just been hired as Rosie’s help at the homestead. He denied all knowledge of you and me being connected and said…” Her voice broke and she choked on a sob. “He said that if he suspected for a moment that you and I were…involved again, then he’d be sure to cut all ties between Rosie and Joshua.”

  Kenan felt his eyes widen as he struggled to comprehend what Catherine was telling him. “No.” He shook his head. “No, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t say that.”

  “He already has,” Catherine murmured, tears now brimming in her eyes and trickling down her cheeks like tiny diamonds.

  Kenan reached out and pulled her to his chest, pressing his face into her hair and wondering what in the hell he was going to do to put this all right.

  Catherine allowed Kenan to hold her while she sobbed. When she finally tired and her tears dried up, she wiped her face on her apron then lifted her head.

  “I’m sorry. That didn’t help at all.” She attempted a smile.

  “Well, no but I know how you’re feeling,” Kenan replied, giving her chin a gentle squeeze.

  She patted around her eyes with her forefingers, gently feeling the swollen flesh. It was ironic that when she’d returned from New York, she’d believed that her days of heartbreak were finally over. In fact, it seemed that they were really just beginning. Now she would be close enough to see Kenan on a regular basis, yet unable to be with him in the way that she wished.

  “It’s been so good seeing you again.” She was suddenly embarrassed about what a mess she must look wearing one of her aunt’s old dresses and a tatty apron with her hair all loose and tangled from her horse ride.

  “Catherine.” He sighed, shaking his head. “You really have no idea, do you?”

  “About what?” Her heart upped its pace.

  “How I feel about you.” He turned her head to face him then cupped her cheeks. His hands were warm and strong, hard and calloused against her soft skin. Heat and hope stirred in her belly.

  “But it makes no difference,” she said, willing him to deny it. “I cannot jeopardize Rosie’s happiness, I cannot place you in a position where you may well resent my presence and…” Her stomach clenched. “And…I cannot forsake my uncle and aunt when they need me so much.”

  Kenan stared hard at her and she felt that she would lose herself in his chocolate brown eyes. His black eyebrows danced above them as a myriad of emotions passed over his face. For a moment, panic rose in her breast as he seemed to withdraw, his eyes closing against her, but it was over as soon as it had begun and his gaze filled once more with warmth and adoration.

  “I have an idea. Well, two actually.” His face lit up
with a grin, causing the corners of his eyes to crinkle.

  Catherine fought against the ray of hope that flickered in her belly, terrified of acknowledging it in case she had to extinguish it again.

  “Firstly, I’m going to go talk to Joshua. He truly loves Rosie. I’d bet my last dime on it and I doubt that he’d let his old man ruin it all for him. A good woman’s hard to find and my twin sister is as good as they come. Present company excepted, of course!”

  Catherine’s lips twitched at the corners in spite of her determination to maintain a solemn air of dignity. It would protect her from the disappointment that would so surely come. She must not allow it to slip.

  “But Kenan…Mr Hampton sounded so determined last night. He’ll not allow it, I’m sure of it.”

  “It’s not his decision to make who we Duggans allow into our lives. As for Joshua…he respects his ol’ man but I’ve seen the way he looks at Rosie and I’m sure he’d go through hell and high water to be with her.”

  Catherine dug her nails into her palms. Could she dare to hope?

  “And secondly…” Kenan leaned over and picked up his hat, then absently brushed the dust from it. “I’m going to find your aunt some help. I’ll employ someone to give her a hand around here with the running of the place and with the care of Mr Campbell. That way, Edie can’t go complaining or making you feel guilty no more!”

  Catherine felt her face straining as a grin emerged. She couldn’t help it. She’d come here this morning, expecting to tie herself down to a life of drudgery and denial with her father’s brother and his wife and instead, the man she’d loved had arrived like a knight in a fairy-tale on an almost white horse, then offered her a solution to her problems. It was just too good to be true.

  But then she felt the familiar sinking of her heart as her final fear spoke up. What about Kenan’s feelings for her? How could he really want her as his wife, as his lifelong partner, as the mother of his children when she’d been used as a whore by another man?

  “Kenan…” She stood and smoothed out her skirts. “There was the…the other thing too…”